middlemanfandomcom-20200215-history
The Obsolescent Cryogenic Meltdown
Plot Wendy meets Tyler at the Batter of the Bulge Pancake House where he shows her a rare find: the Gutwrencher 1 arcade game, banned in 17 countries. Impressed, Wendy kisses him and then they settle down to play. Eighteen dollars later, they destroy the 86th level boss. Wendy takes Tyler back to her sublet and takes her Middlewatch off, unaware that Ida is using the hidden camera to watch her as part of standard surveillance. The Middleman comes in and switches it off, shocked. Once he leaves, Ida switches the monitors back on. Later, Wendy and Tyler come down and they make a date for later. Lacey figures everything went well, but Wendy says she has the mutant power to detect how a boyfriend is going to dump her. This time, she can't see how it's going to end and she's worried. She asks Lacey to keep it a secret, and she immediately tells it to Noser, who says it's a coping mechanism to avoid intimacy. At Middleman HQ, The Middleman approaches Wendy and finally mentions that he saw her on the monitors. He explains there's a Code 86 protocol to shut down the real-time surveillance, but didn't think she'd need it so soon. Ida announces that someone has melted a jewelry store. The owner, Miss Klebb, wants to know the name of the robber so she can get revenge, but denies that she's a KGB agent. She says the robber looked like Andy Warhol with a store-melting gun. The Middleman thinks that the robber's MO sounds familiar. They go back to Middleman HQ's archive room and start going through the Middlelore, a record of all the foes the Middlemen have faced over the years. When she brings up their relationship, The Middleman suggests she enjoy romantic love. She tries to explain her intuition but is interrupted when they find the villain their looking for: The Candle. The Middleman has Ida begin a HEYDAR search but upon hearing word of The Candle, she notes he disappeared in 1969 and, ignoring The Middleman's orders, turns on some 1969 music and opens The Middleman Cryogenic Vault. Ida admits that someone ordered her to unfreeze him if The Candle reappeared. A naked man steps from the vault and Ida introduces him as The Middleman of 1969. The 1969 Middleman dons a robe and gets a drink, while Ida fawns over him. The past Middleman explains he had himself put into deep freeze for when The Candle returned after faking his death. The Candle will need Balthorium G to power his melting gun. He dons his original uniform and tells them to place an ad in an ad sheet, The Thrifty Nickel. The Candle always used the same ad sheet contact his sources. The Middleman is skeptical and tries to explain that the 1969 Middleman might be out of date. He knows all about modern technology, and notes that Wendy can wear whatever uniform she wants. Ida places the ad while the 1969 Middleman looks for a bottle of Hai Karate. The Middleman suggests Wendy make herself scarce while he sorts things out with the new/old Middleman. Wendy returns home to find Tyler making her sub but Wendy is uncomfortable. He admits that he used to be the leader singer with a neo-hippy jam band, Casanova Charlie, and left the band after his girlfriend broke up. He notes the novelty wears off and his girlfriends break it off. Wendy admits she doesn't want to know how it ends. The 1969 Middleman is relaxing while The Middleman is frustrated to find that his predecessor never updated the records on The Candle. A call comes in: The Candle has answered the ad and wants to buy the Balthorium-G. They go to an ice cream store where the 1969 Middleman tries to light up a cigarette. The Middleman is furious but the 1969 Middleman offers Wendy a cigarette. Wendy is less than impressed and an uncomfortable Middleman goes for stakeout treats. Wendy refuses to discuss her romantic life with the 1969 Middleman, who explains that she can have fun but get rid of her guy before she falls in love. He admits that his first, third, and fourth wives were killed by super villains and his second wife moved in with a super villain. They're unaware that The Candle is behind them, but The Middleman spots the villain. They fight and the bad guy ends up slammed on the hood. They take the bad guy back to Middleman HQ, only to discover that he's a young boy wearing a wig. The boy insists The Candle is dead, and notes he befriended his mother after his father died. The Candle found Jesus and reformed, and gave the boy a letter saying not to read it until The Candle died. The letter explained how to find some Balthorium-G and then turn the gun over to science. The 1969 Middleman doesn't believe him and prepares to beat on him, but The Middleman stops him. Outside, The Middleman says it's over and the 1969 Middleman takes a swing at him. The Middleman stops him and when his predecessor draws a gun, Ida disarms him. The Middleman leads a retirement ceremony and the Interrodroid presents the 1969 Middleman with a gold watch. As he leaves, he is stripped of his anonymity and gives his civilian name as Guy Goddard. Later, Guy goes to the sublet and flirts with Lacey then meets with Wendy in private. He notes that the Balthorium-G is still missing and Lord Jeremiah Purcell, an arms dealer, just brought 4,000 grams of Balthorium-G into the country. Guy suggests they put a tracker in the vessel holding the Balthorium-G. If he's wrong, it's not a problem. If he's right, they've captured The Candle. When Wendy balks, Guy notes that Middlemen-in-Training have to look at all the angles. Wendy agrees and Guy warns that Purcell is hosting a gathering of scoundrels to play a game of Shibumi, the most complex card game ever devised. If anyone forgets a rule, they're decapitated. Guy says Wendy has 15 minutes to dress like a real woman and learn the rules of Shibumi. Guy and Wendy, suitably attired, arrive at Purcell's manor and Guy stakes the missing 18 and a half minutes of the Watergate tapes. The game begins and Guy takes an early lead. He begs off to go to the restroom and has Wendy take his seat. Guy starts to break into the vault while Wendy is forced into a siege. However, one of the players cheat and when Purcell prepares to have his bodyguard take the man's head, Wendy draws her gun. The villains close in but The Middleman bursts in and stuns the bad guys. They go to the vault to find that The Candle has stolen the Balthorium-G and melted Guy's left hand. Guy reveals that he didn't get the tracer put on in time, and The Candle plans to melt the Moon. Back at HQ, Ida attaches a metal hook for Guy's missing hand. The Middleman apologizes and Guy and The Middleman have both figured that The Candle has taken the Balthorium-G to Snake Island., where he was rumored to be building a super-melting ray before he disappeared in '69. When Wendy notes the Middlejet will only hold one, the Middlemen note that the island has automated anti-air defenses. Fortunately they have a Middlesub even though it's lined with asbestos. Wendy calls Tyler at the sublet and has to tell him she can't make dinner. He's happy that she has a job she enjoys, and promises to be there for her. The Middleman overhears her and reassures Wendy that he's not threatened by his predecessor. When Wendy notes that Middlemen have to give up love, The Middleman notes that each Middleman can choose, and if Wendy drives Tyler away it's on her. The team infiltrates Snake Island just as the Balthorium-G electromechanical turbine begins its warm-up sequence. They split up to check out three exits and The Middleman finds himself in a chamber with the melting gun… which triggers automatically and pins him down as it closes in to disintegrate him. Guy returns to the chamber to find Wendy and notes it's too late: The Middleman is dead. Wendy doesn't believe it and goes to investigate, and Guy pulls a gun on her. Wendy figures out that the entire thing is Guy's set up: he didn't want to be put out to pasture. With The Middleman dead, Guy can become a hero. Wendy insists he shoot her and he realizes what he's done. Wendy disarms him but Guy insists they can still save The Middleman if they hurry. They go to the melting ray chamber but Guy says that The Candle removed the off-switch on his melting ray. With time running out, Guy climbs the scaffold and uses his hook to short-circuit the device at the cost of his own life. Wendy and The Middleman share a hug and then return to Middleman HQ where they hold a memorial for Guy. The Middleman promises to make sure the official story says that Guy died in battle against his nemesis. Wendy ribs The Middleman about his Eisenhower jacket but he explains that it means something about himself. When Wendy wonders what her uniform says about her, he tells her to make a change if she needs to… and make it count. She comes up with a new stylish outfit. Back home, Tyler and Wendy eat gazpacho and she finally admits she doesn't have a mutant power. They start to kiss but then Wendy removes her Middlewatch and covers it over. Back at HQ, Ida just chuckles and watches on another surveillance camera. The Middleman catches her at it again and turns off the monitors. Pop Culture References * "The only video game to be denounced by both Tipper Gore AND the Dalai Lama." While Tipper Gore's PMRC was famous in the 80s for panicking about the effect explicit lyrics in music was having on The Children, it wasn't really until 90s/2000s that video game violence became a major concern. * Lloyd Cramden was the spy chief in the 60s spy spoofs Our Man Flint and In Like Flint. * Hai Karate was a cheap cologne well known in the 60s. * Harry Lime was Orson Welles' character in 1949's The Third Man * 69 requests Jelly Babies, the 4th Doctor's favorite snack, though they have never been widely available in the states and were near unknown here until Tom Baker's Dr. Who episodes aired here in the late 70's/early 80's. * The Shibumi Game ** The name of the game Shibumi (depending on how you think it's spelled) might be a reference to the novel of the same name. ** "Double Rainbow"... ** Harry Rule was Robert Vaughn's character in the mid-70's British spy show The Protectors ** Contessa di Contini was another member of The Protectors - portrayed by Nyree Dawn Porter ** Anatol Gogol is the head of the KGB in 5 James Bond movies. ** Count Manzeppi was a recurring villain (played by Victor Buono) on the series The Wild Wild West. Common Middleman Jokes Common Middleman Jokes Interjections * Sweet Mother of Nolan Bushnell * Story of O! * Fire and Brimstone! * Ripley's Believe It Or Not! * Shores Of Tripoli! Aliases Noser Knows Ida Is Time and Place All times are in military/24 hour time. Wilhelm Scream Trivia Music The song playing while Wendy and Tyler make out on the couch at the end of the episode is Emiliana Torrini's "Me And Armini" Quotes :Ida: (to Guy Goddard) Sorry sugar buns, but there can only be one Middleman! And he's it. : :The Middleman: If true love shows up at your doorstep, and you drive it away, that's on you, not the job or anything else. : :Guy Goddard: My plan is - :Guy and Wendy, in unison: - sheer elegance in its simplicity. :Wendy: That's right, Guy. The bad guys are still saying that. :Wendy: (to Guy) You'll never be the man he was. You're not the Middleman. You're just The Candle; a coward who kills people with his melting ray. :The Middleman: Snake Island will always be remembered as the field where The Candle and the Middleman had their ultimate confrontation. :Wendy: Is that gonna be the official story? :The Middleman: I think so. :Wendy: I thought Middlemen only told the truth and nothing but the truth. :The Middleman: I am telling the truth. It's on the facts I'm changing. :The Middleman: Crack wise all you want about my Eisenhower jacket, Dubbie. But I wear it because it's named after a man who led soldiers through harsh times against the darkest of evils. This jacket says something...about me. The man I choose to be. Characters and Locations Category:Episodes Characters introduced in this episode: *Guy Goddard *The Candle *The Candle (imposter) Locations first seen in this episode: *Snake Island